Is this fair?: Forum Living with anxiety and other mental illnesses - Carenity (2023)

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Living with anxiety and other mental illnesses

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Is this fair?: Forum Living with anxiety and other mental illnesses - Carenity (9)


Edited on 02/07/2016 at 18:55

My brother who has stole from people, jacked cars, been in prison, raped me when I was 7, beat me up when I was a little kid "for taking something out of his room" (which I never did), does drugs, drug dealing, has a good life, has friends, a girlfriend and a baby on the way.

Then there's me, never bullied anyone, never stole from anyone, didn't hurt people like he did, has never raped anyone or beaten someone up, gets the shitty life, I've been bullied for 14+ years which is still going on today, has to live with flashbacks of the rape for the rest of my life, have no friends, no family members to talk to, doctor doesn't really care about me, mental health issues, diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at age 18, losing teeth randomly,

How is any of this fair? I have done nothing to anyone yet, he has done loads of things to people yet, I get the rubbish life, I feel like a complete failure in my life, I have no job (I have no experience so no one will employ me). My brother has a criminal record and can still get a job, I just want to know if this is fair or not, I feel like I am being punished for something I have never done, I want to reach out to people and get help, but I don't know where to start, I can't go back and use Samaritans because they judged me, so I have no one else to turn to, the group I go to has kicked me out for being "19" I'm done with this shit, No, I am not feeling sorry for myself, I don't want anyone's pity.

I'm just being punished for something I don't even know I have done, everyone I know has a better life than me, the bullies who have tormented me for years have better lives than me, they have families, jobs, friends, babies, I have planned to kill myself if my life doesn't get better and now its starting to look like I will have to do it.

My doctor "supposedly" sent a form of to a counselling place, I know there is not a list because when I did it I got in straight away, I have had no phone call, no message, haven't heard anything. The pills she put me on, Sertraline, they have given me headaches that last 2-3 days after I take them so I refuse to take them anymore. My teeth have been falling out for no reason, I brush my teeth every day, I eat healthy.

No one really likes me I can see it in there faces, people at the group I go hate me and they slip insults out when they can. The group leader, said "blondes are dumb" I was the only blonde person in the room, when we did the "name game" the question was "What do you like to do with your friends?" She skipped me out of that question, because they assume I have no friends. I am just sick of this happening to me, people sit there and wonder why I want to die so much, probably because I am being punished for something that I don't know that I did.

I can see clearly that someone up there really wants me to end my life, if not why is my life so shit? Why is this happening to me? I'm just ready to call it quits and go do what I was meant to do years ago, my life has been doomed from the very start.

Sorry this is long, I just needed some advice, or someone to at least talk to, before I do what I need to do.


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Is this fair?: Forum Living with anxiety and other mental illnesses - Carenity (10)


01/07/2016 at 11:12

Hello, if you want to talk to someone who understands your difficulties then you can contact me, I've been through a lot of shit like you and understand how you must be feeling. Contact me and we can talk, don't do anything silly ok? You are not worthless so please remember that. Look forward to talking to you. Laurie

See the signature


Is this fair?

2016-07-01 11:12:18

Is this fair?: Forum Living with anxiety and other mental illnesses - Carenity (11)


01/07/2016 at 12:25

Good advisor

Good Morning . I do hope that today you are feeling a little brighter regarding your outlook to life? It was sad to read your post. Your life must appear to be so dark and unforgiving at this present moment in time.

Life can be so unfair .

Be yourself, don't look at other peoples lives and compare them with your own as you will never find happiness or peace. We all compare why some people "appear" to have it all when your life seems so unfair/crappy. Deep down ,they may be feeling the same ;unsatisfied.

You appear to have been through so much but don't give up; turn your life around.

You say that you can't get a job ? Do some volunteering work. I work with young adults/adults who need support with every day life that most of us take for granted. It is not only rewarding but it puts your own problems in to prospective.

Who is it that is bullying you?

When starting new medication, the body reacts until they get in to your system. Return to your GP and be honest with her. Embrace what she is telling you. There really is no point in just going through the motions if you aren't 100% committed to wanting to change your life for the better.

You have to dig deep and find the strength from within to go out and find "it" as it won't come to you. Only you can make good things happen. Medication/counselling can only help to a certain extent but the really hard work has to come from you. No one else can do it.

You really need to re- learn to love yourself instead of self loathing. Learn not to be so critical of yourself. I am sure that you are liked ; however due to your low self esteem you don't see it.

We all have something "to offer" ,we just need to discover what it is.

None of us can change the past but we can choose which path we take for a our future. Focus on the 'Here and now" not what has gone on previously.

Find a way to release your anger, vent it by going on a long walk, some physical activity; anything that will not only release your frustration but it will also be releasing the "happy hormones". Do things to make you feel good about yourself.

Learn to accept the help being offered and try not to push it away.

Take the time to really notice the flowers instead of the weeds.

For every negative thought , replace it with a positive one.

Don't let the bullies or your brother be the winners. Prove to others that you have so much to offer which you do.

Sending big hugs + positive thoughts that you will soon be shining both inside and out.

Little by little, day by day.

Keep posting as it can only be beneficial in the long run.


Is this fair?

2016-07-01 12:25:06

Is this fair?: Forum Living with anxiety and other mental illnesses - Carenity (12)

Unregistered member

01/07/2016 at 17:11

Hello my friend,

please try and talk to your Dr again about your medication it sounds like sertraline just don't suit you and there are several alternatives if you really don't feel able to talk to her is there another Dr at the surgery that you could see. You could also try talking to your pharmacist about the headaches as they probably know more about the different medications.

Is there a branch of Mind by you, maybe they can help. There is a helpline called mental health matters, it's free even from mobiles and deals specifically with mental health problems. They are all trained to help. I've put some of the phone numbers below some of the numbers but if you don't live in the areas I'm sure you can still ring them.

Please ring the NHS number 111 if you can't get any help and are desperate, they will help.

It may seem like you are alone but really you aren't, hopefully seeing the answers to your post will show you that people care and although everyones experiences are different most folk who have suffered with depression or any other mental health problem will recognise the feelings of desperation, confusion and wretchedness.

Please also talk to a dentist about your teeth falling out, it could be something easy like a lack of calcium or vitamin D, or mention it to the Doctor or pharmacist.

When you feel stronger you could do as it gets better suggests and try volunteering, even if it's only an hr in a charity shop, they will be very grateful and it means you will meet new people.

You are not worthless, you've had a lot to deal with and feel like you are sinking deeper into the hole but you are still hanging on to the ladder- coming on here and typing your post shows that and slowly you will be able to climb a bit higher. I can't promise it'll be easy or that you won't feel like s*** again but you are a survivor and very special.

A few weeks ago I was desperate and the people on here helped me to realise I am not alone. My problems aren't the same as yours but at the time I couldn't see a way out and yes there are still bad days but knowing that I could be myself and talk on here, let all my feelings out and not be judged. Be accepted as I was, as I am, has helped.

In time you may feel able to use your experience to help others but for now allow people to support you and please talk to a dr, pharmacist or 111 and please tell them how bad you are feeling, how desperate you are feeling and that you have had thoughts of harming yourself.

Sending big hugs xx

Coventry & Warwickshire:

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Is this fair?

2016-07-01 17:11:40

Is this fair?: Forum Living with anxiety and other mental illnesses - Carenity (13)


02/07/2016 at 18:55

Good advisor

Hi, I've been bullied most of my life. I am still going through it with my work right now, so I do understand where you are coming from, please contact me via email to have a chat if you need too. I'm desperatly trying to get out of my job, and find another. I was accused of something I did'nt do and the took the side of the person who lied about me, so going into work is a nightmere, I'm not sleeping, or eating very well, I'm always feeling ill, my health is not good, and i'm always in pain. Please don't give up you are still young enough, try and find something you like doing, and explore it. I love to sing and it really makes me feel better when i've been to singing lessons. Go and study in a college on something you would really love to do. one you get your foot on the ladder of what you love, then things should brighten up. Never mind other people, concentrate on yourself first, then others will come along when you and they are ready. Doing something you love with others you will find hopefully someone to connect too, and build up a friendship. You need to sort yourself out first, try other anti depressants till you find the one that suits you. Clear your head and go for a walk. You need to find something to make you feel positive about yourself. I know it is not easy when you feel the way you do, but please try something. I've been a manic depressive since childhood. and still suffer extreamly bad days even now. But I have no support in work. At home i'm not so bad as it's my safe place to be. Again please email me if you want to chat, and hope you find something and some peace soon in your life. Go ahead and live it.

Is this fair?

2016-07-02 18:55:04

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Are you considered mentally ill if you have anxiety? ›

According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), mental illness refers to “conditions that affect a person's thinking, feeling, mood, or behavior.” These can include but aren't limited to depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, or schizophrenia.

What strategies have helped people cope with mental illness? ›

  • Value yourself: Treat yourself with kindness and respect, and avoid self-criticism. ...
  • Take care of your body: Taking care of yourself physically can improve your mental health. ...
  • Surround yourself with good people: ...
  • Give yourself: ...
  • Learn how to deal with stress: ...
  • Quiet your mind: ...
  • Set realistic goals: ...
  • Break up the monotony:

Is anxiety the most common mental illness in the world? ›

Anxiety disorders are the most common of mental disorders and affect nearly 30% of adults at some point in their lives. But anxiety disorders are treatable and a number of effective treatments are available. Treatment helps most people lead normal productive lives.

What are the most difficult mental illnesses to live with? ›

  • Adjustment Disorder.
  • Agoraphobia.
  • Borderline Personality Disorder.
  • Childhood ADHD.
  • Dissociative Identity Disorder.
  • Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
  • Narcolepsy.
  • Oppositional Defiant Disorder.
Mar 29, 2018

Is having anxiety or depression a disability? ›

Depression is considered a psychiatric disability under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). It's a significant mood disorder that's known to interfere with daily activities, which may include your ability to work. Depression sometimes becomes so severe that you can no longer go to work.

What mental disorders go with anxiety? ›

There are several types of anxiety disorders, including generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, social anxiety disorder, and various phobia-related disorders.

What mental illness makes you not take responsibility for your actions? ›

People with ASPD may break the law or cause physical or emotional harm to the people around them. They may disregard consequences or refuse to take responsibility for their actions. ASPD is one of many personality disorders. Personality disorders affect the way someone thinks or behaves.

What are 3 ways to help someone struggling with mental illness? ›

For example:
  • Listen. Simply giving someone space to talk, and listening to how they're feeling, can be really helpful in itself. ...
  • Offer reassurance. Seeking help can feel lonely, and sometimes scary. ...
  • Stay calm. ...
  • Be patient. ...
  • Try not to make assumptions. ...
  • Keep social contact.

When should you walk away from someone with mental illness? ›

As much as you might love or care for the individual, if they are emotionally, mentally, or physically abusive, it is okay to step away from the situation. Some examples of emotional, mental, and physical abuse include: Emotional & Mental Abuse: Being dissatisfied, no matter how hard you try or how much you give.

Who suffers most from anxiety disorders? ›

Anxiety disorders affect nearly 1 in 5 adults in the United States. Women are more than twice as likely as men to get an anxiety disorder in their lifetime. Anxiety disorders are often treated with counseling, medicine, or a combination of both. Some women also find that yoga or meditation helps with anxiety disorders.

What triggers anxiety attacks? ›

Difficult experiences in childhood, adolescence or adulthood are a common trigger for anxiety problems. Going through stress and trauma when you're very young is likely to have a particularly big impact. Experiences which can trigger anxiety problems include things like: physical or emotional abuse.

Is having anxiety a disability? ›

Is anxiety a disability? Yes, the Social Security Administration (SSA) considers anxiety as a disability. However, people with anxiety may find it challenging to prove that their condition qualifies them for monthly disability benefits.

What is the number one leading mental illness? ›

Depression. Impacting an estimated 300 million people, depression is the most-common mental disorder and generally affects women more often than men.

What is the easiest mental disorder to treat? ›

Anxiety disorder is the most treatable of all mental illnesses. Anxiety disorder produces unrealistic fears, excessive worry, flashbacks from past trauma leading to easy startling, changes in sleep patterns, intense tension and ritualistic behavior.

Who suffers most from mental illness? ›

Women are nearly twice as likely to suffer from major depression than men. However, men and women are equally likely to develop bipolar disorder. While major depression can develop at any age, the average age at onset is the mid-20s.

How much disability can I get for anxiety? ›

The 70 percent disability rating criterion for depression and anxiety is the most inclusive insofar as it represents a wide array of symptoms, including a progression of symptoms noted in the lower disability ratings.

Should I say I have a disability anxiety? ›

Key Takeaways. If anxiety is severely restricting a life function, it may be considered a disability protected by the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). You can request accommodations such as a flexible schedule, support animal, or special rest area to help manage your anxiety.

What is high functioning anxiety? ›

Instead, high-functioning anxiety typically refers to someone who experiences anxiety while still managing daily life quite well. Generally, a person with high-functioning anxiety may appear put together and well- accomplished on the outside, yet experience worry, stress or have obsessive thoughts on the inside.

What is the most common anxiety disorder? ›

Generalised anxiety disorder (GAD)

GAD is the most common type of anxiety disorder. The main symptom of GAD is excessive worrying about different activities and events. You may feel anxious a lot of the time if you have GAD. You might feel 'on edge' and hyper-alert to your surroundings.

Why do so many people have anxiety? ›

We still experience many traditional causes of anxiety such as poor health, difficult relationships, unemployment, poverty and disadvantage, loneliness, work stress, and exposure to violence, trauma, and conflict. Even in our modern world, some of these traditional sources of anxiety are on the rise.

What is the disorder where you avoid everything? ›

Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by feelings of extreme social inhibition, inadequacy, and sensitivity to negative criticism and rejection. Yet the symptoms involve more than simply being shy or socially awkward.

What mental illness causes risky behavior? ›

Impulsiveness is a clinical feature of both schizophrenia and bipolar disorder (Najt et al, 2007; Ouzir, 2013).

What disorder blames others? ›

People with narcissistic personality disorder are extremely resistant to changing their behavior, even when it's causing them problems. Their tendency is to turn the blame on to others.

What does a psychotic episode look like? ›

People with psychosis typically experience delusions (false beliefs, for example, that people on television are sending them special messages or that others are trying to hurt them) and hallucinations (seeing or hearing things that others do not, such as hearing voices telling them to do something or criticizing them).

Should I stay with someone who is mentally ill? ›

There's no clear-cut answer regarding whether an individual who's dealing with someone with a mental illness should stay in the relationship. There may be plenty of reasons to stay; however, fear of the relationship ending isn't a valid reason and isn't healthy for anyone involved.

What not to do when someone is mentally ill? ›

The Dos and Don'ts of Supporting Someone with Mental Illness
  1. DO Listen with an open mind. ...
  2. DON'T Make comments such as “You're fine” or “Cheer up” ...
  3. DO Ask Questions. ...
  4. DON'T Say you know how they feel if you don't. ...
  5. DO Encourage them to seek help. ...
  6. DON'T Question their medical decisions. ...
  7. DO Help out with daily tasks.
Aug 2, 2016

How do you live with a mentally unstable person? ›

  1. Be informed. ...
  2. Develop a helpful approach toward the person suffering. ...
  3. Say what you think in a positive way. ...
  4. Encourage the person suffering to seek help when necessary. ...
  5. Express your feelings. ...
  6. Take care of yourself. ...
  7. Solve one problem at a time. ...
  8. Respect your limits and seek help when necessary.
Dec 13, 2021

When does anxiety become a disorder? ›

Anxiety becomes a disorder when it's irrational, excessive and when it interferes with a person's ability to function in daily life. Anxiety disorders include: Generalised anxiety disorder. Social phobias – fear of social situations.

Which age group suffers the most from anxiety? ›

Adults 60 years of age and older are more likely to experience physical symptoms of anxiety than their younger counterparts. This age group also has a higher risk of other medical issues, which can increase the risk of developing an anxiety disorder.

What are 3 symptoms of anxiety? ›

Anxiety disorders are a type of mental health condition. Anxiety makes it difficult to get through your day. Symptoms include feelings of nervousness, panic and fear as well as sweating and a rapid heartbeat.

What personality types are prone to anxiety? ›

Research has indicated that individuals with high emotional reactivity (high neuroticism) and introverted tendencies (low extroversion) are more likely to experience anxiety than other personality types [101].

What 3 things should you stay away from to escape anxiety? ›

Make sure your daily diet includes foods such as wholegrain cereals, leafy green vegetables and low-fat dairy products. Nicotine, caffeine and stimulant drugs (such as those that contain caffeine) trigger your adrenal glands to release adrenaline, which is one of the main stress chemicals. These are best avoided.

Can you get money for anxiety? ›

If your mental health means you find it hard to work or do daily tasks, you could claim benefits. These will depend on the criteria, but can include depression or anxiety. The benefit process can be stressful. There are things you can do if it's affecting your mental health.

Can I get Social Security for anxiety? ›

Anxiety disorders such as obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), panic disorders, phobias or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) are considered disabilities by the Social Security Administration (SSA) and qualifies someone for Social Security disability benefits.

What can happen if anxiety is not treated? ›

Untreated anxiety can result in changes to the prefrontal cortex and hippocampus. This impaired functioning may increase the risk of developing neuropsychiatric disorders such as depression and dementia.

What is the most treatable mental illness? ›

Depression is among the most treatable of mental disorders. Between 80% and 90% percent of people with depression eventually respond well to treatment. Almost all patients gain some relief from their symptoms.

What are the top 5 worst mental disorders? ›

Below are the five most common mental health disorders in America and their related symptoms:
  • Anxiety Disorders. The most common category of mental health disorders in America impacts approximately 40 million adults 18 and older. ...
  • Mood Disorders. ...
  • Psychotic Disorders. ...
  • Dementia. ...
  • Eating disorders.
Jan 30, 2020

What is the hardest disorder to live with? ›

Individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPDs) become overwhelmed and incapacitated by the intensity of their emotions, whether it is joy and elation or depression, anxiety, and rage. They are unable to manage these intense emotions.

What is the hardest mental illness in the world? ›

BPD is considered to be one of the most serious mental illnesses, as it causes a great deal of suffering and has a high-risk for suicide.”

What is the hardest mental disorder to diagnose? ›

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) can be hard to diagnose because the symptoms of this disorder overlap with many other conditions, such as bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety, and even eating disorders.

What disorder causes someone to talk to themselves? ›

Some people with schizophrenia appear to talk to themselves as they respond to the voices. People with schizophrenia believe that the hallucinations are real.

What state has the highest mental illness rate? ›

States that are ranked 39-51 indicate that adults have higher prevalence of mental illness and lower rates of access to care.
Adult Ranking 2022.
01New Jersey
47 more rows

What are 5 strategies for improving an individual's mental health? ›

5 steps to mental wellbeing
  1. Connect with other people. Good relationships are important for your mental wellbeing. ...
  2. Be physically active. Being active is not only great for your physical health and fitness. ...
  3. Learn new skills. ...
  4. Give to others. ...
  5. Pay attention to the present moment (mindfulness)

What are the 5 types of coping strategies? ›

There are five main types of coping skills: problem-focused strategies, emotion-focused strategies, meaning making, social support, and religious coping.

What are the Big 4 strategies mental health? ›

“Big 4” — a set of evidenced-based, cognitive behavioural therapy-based techniques that help individuals cope with stress and improve their mental health and resiliency. The Big 4 are positive self-talk, visualization, tactical breathing, and SMART goal setting.

What are the 4 types of coping strategies? ›

Weiten has identified four types of coping strategies: appraisal-focused (adaptive cognitive), problem-focused (adaptive behavioral), emotion-focused, and occupation-focused coping.

What are the 5 C's of mental health? ›

The 5Cs are competence, confidence, character, caring, and connection.

How do you stay mentally stable? ›

10 tips to boost your mental health
  1. Make social connection — especially face-to-face — a priority. ...
  2. Stay active. ...
  3. Talk to someone. ...
  4. Appeal to your senses. ...
  5. Take up a relaxation practice. ...
  6. Make leisure and contemplation a priority. ...
  7. Eat a brain-healthy diet to support strong mental health. ...
  8. Don't skimp on sleep.
Oct 4, 2018

What are 4 common things that can improve mental health outcomes? ›

How can I improve my mental health?
  • Staying positive. ...
  • Practicing gratitude, which means being thankful for the good things in your life. ...
  • Taking care of your physical health, since your physical and mental health are connected. ...
  • Connecting with others. ...
  • Developing a sense of meaning and purpose in life.
May 5, 2020

What are coping skills for anxiety? ›

Here are 11 tips for coping with an anxiety disorder:
  • Keep physically active. ...
  • Avoid alcohol and recreational drugs. ...
  • Quit smoking, and cut back or quit drinking caffeinated beverages. ...
  • Use stress management and relaxation techniques. ...
  • Make sleep a priority. ...
  • Eat healthy foods. ...
  • Learn about your disorder.
Jul 20, 2021

What is the most effective coping strategy? ›

Relaxation. Engaging in relaxing activities, or practicing calming techniques, can help to manage stress and improve overall coping. Physical recreation. Regular exercise, such as running, or team sports, is a good way to handle the stress of given situation.

What are the 4 A's of coping? ›

When deciding which option to choose, it's helpful to think of the four A's: avoid, alter, adapt or accept. Since everyone has a unique response to stress, there is no “one size fits all” solution to managing it.

What is the biggest barrier to mental health treatment? ›

Lack of awareness, social stigma, cost, and limited access are some of the most prominent factors standing in the way of people pursuing mental health treatment.
Lack of Awareness
  • Personality disorders.
  • Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
  • Schizophrenia and other psychotic disorders.
  • Substance abuse disorders.
Dec 17, 2020

What are the 4 C's of mental illness? ›

Sometimes little slogans can help us remember important recovery topics. The 4 C's is one of them: Family didn't cause mental illness or addiction, can't control it, can't cure it but certainly can cope with it. This is something that a lot of family members, especially parents, wonder about.

What are the 4 C's of mental health? ›

In his book “Developing Mental Training,” psychologist Peter Clough, describes four important traits of mental toughness, which he calls the four C's: confidence, challenge, control and commitment.

What are the two basic forms of coping? ›

The two main types of coping strategies are emotion focused coping strategies that address the emotional needs of an individual and problem focused coping strategies that seek to eliminate the source of the problem.

What is an unhealthy coping mechanism? ›

A maladaptive coping mechanism may include avoiding a person or a situation which causes you stress, becoming defensive or harming yourself in some way. While adaptive coping mechanisms are healthy and positive, maladaptive ones are negative and could harm your health in the long run.

What are the two basic types of coping? ›

Coping is a dynamic process that involves both cognitive and behavioral changes to manage stress. There are two major categories in coping: problem-focused and emotion-focused coping.


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